Holy shit. I'm not sure about the etiquette as this came from some other festering hole of the internet, but god damn.
Author: The Expert
Subject: Top Five Anal Preparedness Tips
Date: 06/22/09 19:56
Body:
Are you ready for anal sex? More importantly, is your butt ready? You never know when opportunity may come knocking at your back door. If you need to be ready to have anal sex at a moment's notice, we have some tips for you. You might be caught with your pants down, but you won't be unprepared!
1. Keep your butt healthy.
It may seem almost too obvious to mention, but a healthy asshole and colon are essential for pleasurable anal sex. One of the best things you can do for your butt is to keep your bowel elimination regular. Either constipation or diarrhea can cause anal problems such as hemorrhoids, anal fissures, and skin irritation, and can cause your fecal matter to make an unwanted appearance during anal intercourse. The most fuckable butt has a healthy rosebud and a clean colon. Enemas should not be necessary if you have normal and regular bowel movements. To promote bowel regularity, drink plenty of water and eat foods high in fiber, or use a fiber supplement. Remember, a healthy asshole is a happy asshole.
2. Keep your butt clean.
Anal cleanliness is often a source of concern for both partners engaging in anal sex. You can reduce this anxiety by making every effort to keep your asshole pristine at all times. Bathe or shower daily, paying special attention to your posterior, and wash immediately before having anal sex if possible, inserting a soapy finger into your asshole to clean out any stray particles of waste. Wipe carefully after using the bathroom, being sure not to leave any "dingleberries" or stray bits of toilet tissue around your anus. Better yet, use wet wipes to clean your ass after using the toilet, or rinse your anal area with a bidet if you have one.
3. Carry lube and protection.
Like the Boy Scouts say, you should be prepared. Anal lube and condoms are essential for your comfort and safety during anal sex. Since you may potentially want to have anal sex anywhere with anybody, you should carry latex or urethane condoms and single-use packets of water-based lube with you at all times. Have them in a purse or pocket where they are easily accessible, and insist that your partner use them.
4. Practice, practice, practice.
Some people may assume that being fucked in the ass involves nothing more than bending over or laying back. In reality, being the receiving partner in anal intercourse can be quite challenging. To be an ideal anal sex bottom, you need to keep your asshole muscles both strong and supple. Do anal exercises, where you tighten and release your sphincter and pelvic floor muscles, in order to develop anal gripping strength that will put your partners over the edge. Invest in a sizable dildos or butt plugs, and practice anal penetration on yourself as often as possible. This way you'll become accustomed to and comfortable with the sensations of anal sex and get a feel for how much your ass can take.
5. Have anal awareness.
Receiving a partner anally is all about relaxing and letting go.of your tensions and your inhibitions. Practice this in your daily life by becoming more aware of the tension you carry in your buttocks and rectal muscles and making a conscious effort to release it. Breathe, relax, and let go. Doing this will help you have more control over your asshole when you are being fucked, which will make the experience much more enjoyable for you. Plus, the world would be a happier place if everyone just unclenched.
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Tue Jun 23, 2009 11:54 pm
Nah, I found this on another board I go to. While I was reading it, I was imagining one of those black and white filmstrips they'd show us in elementary school, picturing some 50's dude with a corncob pipe, reading a newspaper in front of a fireplace, wearing a pinstripe suit informing children about the importance of a clean and healthy ass.